Oct 15- Young and Wild

(Written at work, on paper, by hand)

I once wrote a song that said "It's great to be young and wild", and I wrote that song a little over six months ago. I was 21 and its amazing how different I feel now at 22. At 21 it seem I could justify where I am in life, living at home, no career in sight, mountain full of debt. But once I turned 22 I feel I have no excuse anymore. My "young and wild" days are over... Time to grow up.

It crossed my mind on my Ex's birthday (Oct 9), when I realized that had we not broken up, and stuck to our "plan" (carefully planned from High School mind you) that I would be getting married in this December. According to the "plan", she would go to school and I would move to the "Fabulous" (SARCASM) Las Cruces, NM, and become a police officer there. She would finish school, and we would start our "wonderful life together" *GAG*. Or at least as wonderful as a life one could have with someone who plans a life 4-5 years into the future.

In hindsight, obviously I don't enjoy the thought of marriage with her and all that junk, but I did like the idea of being sure of what I was doing. I guess because that plan would be coming into fruition in the next few months, it reminded me that I'm in a purgatory. A stand still. I think I just need to find the inspiration to get me to the point where I can make the plans to decide on what I want to do. Not dependent on anyone else, but do what I want...